Isn't it beautiful?
by TianZi
Summary: Introspective of cloud in the abandoned church. Inspired by the picture of cloud in the church in FFVII advent children trailer.


Title: Isn't it beautiful? Author: Kaze Disclaimer: FF7 is not mine. Notes: Erm... It's been a while since I posted fanfiction... haha... Enjoy. Pairing: Cloud and Sephiroth  
  
----  
  
Isn't it beautiful,  
  
the way the sun still shines like it used to,  
  
and the zephyr stirring up the flakes of dust motes.  
  
Inhaling the lingering scent of the morning blooms,  
  
I kneeled before your tomb.  
  
Isn't it beautiful?  
  
A love story of morbid truths...  
  
It still hurts.  
  
And now when I turn around,  
  
And reality came crashing down,  
  
I would still look for you...  
  
It'sn't it beautiful?  
  
The way we are used to... ---- "isn't it beautiful" by Kaze  
  
xoxo  
  
The church is as empty as before.  
  
I remember the first time I ever entered it, the piercing morning sun shinning down the beautifully stained glass of kaleidoscopic colours, refracting into a gentle glow. And she was there, ignorant of all the bloodiness around her, an aura of innocence lingering in her presence. The darkness and cruelty of the world eludes this place, making it a sanctuary for the peaceful nurturing of the daisies she loved dearly.  
  
I know she knew. I know she loved me despite of it. For that, I am glad. And though it is that very love that had given me a reason to live, I know it would never be able to make me whole again. I loved her. I always knew that I do. The way her eyes sparkled with an inner strength and peace I knew I could never achieve. Her graceful moments always captured my attention, as did her intuitive sensitivity. The reason why I'm still alive and not buried somewhere in my guilt is her.  
  
I am grateful to her. If not for her, I probably would not be standing her, watching the zephyr teasing the petals of the daisies, the lighted disarray of coloured patterns on the ground, nor the dust motes flirting in the air.  
  
I lay my tribute, a bouquet of pink daisies, on the altar, in loving memory for all she had done for me and the world.  
  
"I love you, Aeries. But I'm sorry it's not the way you wanted me to. I just... just cannot forget."  
  
A soft whisper, nearly captured and tossed away by the light breeze that entered the holy ground. Sometimes, when I voice out my thoughts, I would feel that she is really just there, smiling at me with those sad eyes of hers, telling me it's ok, that she loves me too. And it was then I felt myself drowning; in guilt, sorrow, anger - i don't know! Because it was then her emerald eyes became almost like his.  
  
*It's ok. I love you.*  
  
A lie. A lie that cuts like the sharpest of knives and hurts so deeply that the pain seemingly intergrates itself into the flesh and becomes the norm. And even after so many years, after all the repeated lashes of betrayal, even with the evanescent of my memories, I still cannot make myself give up on him.  
  
It used to be the biggest romance in history ever - the cadet and the general. Now, it seemed to be the greatest heroic tale ever told - the cadet destroying the general, the monster which threatened the world of its very own existence. I think neither of both. It's not the biggest romance, nor the greatest heroic tale.  
  
It is a love tragedy of morbid truths and helpless hopes.  
  
I turn my face away from the altar. My eyes sting and I don't wish her to see me like this. I will always be the strong and determined warrior for her; I promised her I would never give up hoping.  
  
The daisies are still growing cheerfully. I wonder briefly who had been taking such good care of her garden while she was gone.  
  
Wait.  
  
She is gone.  
  
Sigh.  
  
Life never worked out the way people wanted it to be. All that I had ever wanted was to be a good soldier, a good friend, and a good lover. But then, fate destroyed my career, killed my friends and made me kill my lover to save the world. What irony.  
  
*Pause*  
  
Should not be so bitter. Aeries would nag me about my stoic and dark face if she saw me like this. Maybe I could see her in my dreams later; if I could fall asleep. Dreamland is always the most peaceful with her in it.  
  
Or maybe I'll dream of him. Those dreams of the past are the most beautiful, so real that I really think that he is there with me, teasing me about my hair, smiling at my clumsy attempts at his masamune, tickling me, nodding patronizingly at my pathetic attempts to explain why I was late for a date... But I'll always wake up, expecting him to be by my side; then the fact that he's gone, killed by my very own hands would resurface, and I will always deny it, telling myself it's not true; that he's still alive somewhere...  
  
It is not this death that made life so unbearable. It is the waking up, expecting very thing to be alright and then have reality hitting you right in the head, telling you that it had been 3 years since he is gone. It is hard getting used to living without him.  
  
But life goes on, and time waits for no man... unless you cast slow or time. But the effect is usually momentary so it's pointless.  
  
Aeries, someone asked me: Now that I am a war hero returning victorious from my battle, what do I want most.  
  
I just smiled.  
  
What I really want had already been destroyed by me... But you would tell me to be hopeful, right? Speaking to me, with that melodious voice of yours, not to give up? I really feel like doing that now - giving up. It's just too painful to live like this. But I had made a promise to you. Strife never breaks his promise.  
  
So I'll keep searching for him, knowing that there is 90 percent chance that he is dead, but not giving up on the 10 percent you had given me.  
  
Suddenly, the holiness of the church burns me. I do not deserve any resemblance of peace.  
  
I must go.  
  
The noisy commotion of the city invade my head as I step out of the church, closing the quaint oak door behind me.  
  
I look up into the clear sky, like the one I had shared with him so long ago.  
  
The sky is as beautiful as always, the sun as harsh as ever; but he is no longer under the same sky as I was.  
  
"Sephiroth."  
  
xoxo  
  
*Reviews would be most welcomed. ^__^ 


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